The majority of the book of Job is like a game of tennis - Job on one side of the net and his three 'friends' Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar on the other. The friends take turns hitting the ball to Job, telling him that's it is the wicked and the sinner who suffer in this world under the judgment and hand of God, not the righteous, God fearer. Therefore, because of everything Job is suffering he must be among the wicked and therefore must repent and turn back to God.

Each time Job's hits their 'words of comfort' 'back over the net' saying they are wrong - his own experience and the experience of many others proves that the innocent do suffer and the wicked often do prosper. For the reader knows from Job 1-2 that his suffering is not because of his sin or wickedness, for Job was 'blameless and upright, he feared God and shunned evil.' (1:1)

While it is generally true that those who are righteous and fear the Lord enjoy peace and blessing (Prob 11:19), Job shows us that the worldview that suffering is a direct result of one's sin is far too simplistic. The reality is, in this fallen world, tainted by sin, the innocent do suffer.

The gospel (the good news of Jesus) shows us that innocent suffering not only exists but God often uses it for his good plans and purposes. For in Jesus, we see the ultimate act of innocent suffering. He was pure and without sin, and yet he suffered the humiliation and injustice of not just suffering ... but dying - being executed by those he made.

Job teaches us that following Jesus doesn't guarantee health, wealth and prosperity (although some preachers teach this). Suffering still comes to those who fear and follow the Lord - either because of the effects of sin in this world, or even as in Job and Jesus' case, to bring about the plans and purposes of God.

The atheist has no answers or hope in the face of suffering. However, the good news of the gospel is that Jesus innocent suffering gives us hope in our own suffering. For Jesus death was followed by his resurrection - meaning he has paid for sin, and has overcome death, and therefore is able to pave the way for a new creation without sin, suffering and death.

The innocent suffering of Jesus gives us sure and certain hope that the righteous will enjoy the peace and blessing of God - not just for a lifetime, but forever. Therefore, our suffering, we ought to reach out to Jesus, and take comfort in the fact that he experienced suffering himself, he knows our suffering and will one day deliver us from our suffering.

Over the next 2 months Australia will be talking a lot and then voting on the issue of same-sex-marriage.

This is a really important discussion for Australians to be having, because any changes will have a significant and long lasting impact on our society. So it’s important we listen well and understand the issues at hand.

Personally, I can see why many want this change to happen. I understand that many in the LGBTI community consider that without this change they feel ostracised, unequal and their relationship is invalid. I appreciate the fact there are some same-sex couples who love one another and want to make a lifelong commitment to another person.

However, as much as I get all that, I cannot support this change to the definition of marriage, because like so many laws in our society, this will have a far wider impact on our culture than just those same-sex couples who want to marry. If we were making a decision that was just about the individuals concerned, it would be much easier. But the impact of this change has much broader implications than that.

I understand there will be many who know me who will disagree with me on this. However, I would ask you at least hear me out and try and understand what I perceive those issues to be.

Before I say any of that though, I want to reiterate, that my friendships with those who hold a different opinion to me on this, is not  conditional on the outcome of this decision. We are all made in the image of God, and therefore, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Other voices in this debate are just a valid as mine and I need to listen to them as well.

Of course, as a Christian, I am convinced that God has given us (humanity) a good pattern for marriage. As the creator of the world he knows what’s best for us, and that includes how we do relationships. The good pattern that God gives us for marriage is a sexually exclusive, lifelong union between a man and a woman for the raising of children. We are quite obviously made male and female in order to compliment each other sexually, relationally, and emotionally. In addition, our male-ness and female-ness are vital elements for the raising of children with both a father and a mother. And this is not just a 'good' for Christians. As people made in the image of God, this is a 'good' for everyone.

God gives us this pattern for marriage, not because he's a spoil-sport, but because he loves us. It’s because God is loving, that he sets boundaries for sexual relationships in order to protect us and guard us from getting hurt. It's similar to a parent who puts their child in a sand pit and tells them as long as they stay in the sand pit they can do what they want, but they're not to go outside the sandpit because there are bindies and glass and they will get hurt. And the same is true for sexual relationships. When we get into sexual relationships that are outside God's good pattern, it causes damage and people get hurt. We see this in

• one-night stands
• the pain of couples separating after living together
• the destruction of relationships and families caused by adultery
• the 90,000+ abortions that happen each year due to unwanted pregnancies of couples who are not married

This is also true for same-sex relationships. The mental and physical health issues amongst those in the LGBTI community are significant and real. And because God is loving and he wants what’s best for us, he shows us that the best pattern for sexual relationships is in an exclusive, lifelong marriage between a man and a woman, that we currently call marriage.

Even if you don't agree with me on this good pattern for marriage, there is more to it than this - because, changing the definition of marriage will have far wider implications than just those same-sex couples who want to marry. By way of example, the move to 'no fault divorce' in the 1970's might have seemed good for couples wanting to end their marriage, but the flow on effect of this on children, families, and as a result our society since then, has been devastating. Similarly, the shift in abortion laws might have seemed good for sake of the mother involved, but the flow on effect means that tragically, there are over 90,000+ babies aborted each year in Australia.

We will be naive to think that the change of the definition of marriage will not also have serious flow on affects. It will be like a stone thrown into a pond - the ripples will continue to move out and have a far greater impact on our society than many of us realise. And its these broader implication and impacts that are just as concerning and ought to be considered by all Aussies - Christian or otherwise.

These are some of the broader issues I believe we need also consider.

Rights of Children: Children are the voiceless party in this debate and they too have rights. It’s not just the rights of same-sex couples who want to marry. Margaret Somerville is Professor of Bioethics in the School of Medicine at the University of Notre Dame Australia. In a recent article she said
"Deciding whether to legalise same-sex marriage involves dealing with a clash between adults' claims and children's needs and rights. In such cases, a truly humane ethic requires choosing in favour of the weakest, most in need, most vulnerable persons. Clearly children belong to this category..." http://www.abc.net.au/religion/articles/2017/08/15/4718836.htm

Children have the right to be raised by their biological father and mother and therefore, marriage is the best place for raising children. Same-sex marriage makes that impossible. The critical importance of this is underlined by men and women like Heather Barwick, who was raised by a loving lesbian couple and are speaking out against same-sex marriage because of the impact this change will have on children like them. Heather says,
"A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father's absence created a huge hole in me and I ached every day for a dad. Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that is doesn't matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not."

Millie Fontanna is even more forthright about this issue. Millie is in her early 20's and grew up with lesbian parents, and was raised as an atheist with no religious affiliation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g4vphO1Sk). And yet, she insists the negative impact of children raised by same-sex parents, as loving as they may have been, is something that cannot be underestimated nor should it be ignored.

As a nation, we have made this mistake already by forcibly adopting babies away from teen mothers and thereby breaking the bond between mother and daughter. In 2013 Julia Gillard apologised for this in the National Apology for Forced Adoption. We don't want to make this mistake again. Marriage gives every child the mum and dad they have a right to. Which future Prime Minister will have to apologise to the generation that grew up without a father or mother?

Gender Confusion: One of the impacts of redefining marriage to include same-sex is that we implicitly say - gender doesn't matter. Gender fluidity and gender indifference, not only take away an essential 'good' of our humanity, it will lead to gender confusion amongst our young people. An example of this is seen already as a result of the Safe Schools Programme which is being taught in Victoria. Since its inception in 2010, the increase in gender dysphoria in children presenting to the Royal Children’s Hospital has increased from 7 (2010) to 170 (2015). This is seriously concerning.

Freedom of Speech: We should be really concerned about the impact this is issue is having on one of our most fundamental human rights - our freedom of speech. Many who hold to traditional views of marriage are being shouted down, ostracised, assaulted, labelled as 'bigots', and 'homophobic' merely for voicing a different opinion. In schools and the work place, students and employees are being pressured to comply with and participate in LGBTI policies and events. Company directors are being bullied to resign for holding a traditional view of marriage.  Even before the law has been changed, Catholic Archbishop, Julian Porteous and Presbyterian Pastor, Campbell Markham have both been brought before the Tasmanian Anti-Discrimination Commissioner for respectfully expressing the orthodox and legal view of marriage.

Brendan O'Neil who is a journalist and describes himself as 'an atheistic libertarian' says there ought to be great concern because ...
"anyone who opposes gay marriage is demonised, harassed and thrown out of their jobs ... there's real ugly element to this. What is extraordinary and unacceptable is they (supporters of SSM) cannot tolerate the existence of anyone who opposes gay marriage. And I think we sometimes fail to understand how extraordinary that is ... in the space of a decade, something that humanity believed for thousands of years has suddenly become a form of bigotry, a form of hate, something you're not allowed to express in public life - that extraordinary shift in intolerance, is something all liberals, like me, should be worried about." Q&A Monday 17th August 2015 (http://www.abc.net.au/tv/qanda/txt/s4273039.htm)

Disagreement within the LGBTI Community:  One of the more surprising aspects of this debate is not everyone within the LGBTI community wants this change. A sizable proportion of the LGBTI community are actually against the change in definition either because they believe marriage is between man and woman, or marriage is for children or that the act of marriage is inherently hetero-normative. One example is gay couple Ben Rogers and Mark Poidevin who recently affirmed that they want to preserve the traditional definition of marriage. Mark Poidevin shared the concerns raised above when he said “If we make one exception for one community, that being the same-sex couples, where does it stop?"

This is issue by no means the ‘great universal injustice’ to the LGBTI community that many claim needs to be addressed.  Unfortunately, those within the LGBTI community who are expressing this dissenting voice, like Ben Rogers and Mark Poidevin are being silenced, bullied and ostracised by their own community for expressing opposing views from within.

There are other flow on effects of making this change, however these seem to be the most significant issues for us to be wrestling with.

I expect there will be supporters of same-sex marriage who will say "how can you deny this change to two consenting adults who love each other?" In response to this I would say that 'love and consent' cannot be the principles for making this change. For if this were the case, then what is to stop someone marrying a minor or more than one spouse? If they love each other and consent, then using the same logic, we are forced to say that must be okay. I think most would agree that neither of those scenarios are okay. So we need to look to something more than just 'love and consent.' 

Other supporters of same-sex marriage will say "this is about marriage equality - you are not treating my relationship equally". However the reality is, equality can never be achieved for marriage, because marriage will always exclude someone. It is by nature exclusive. Changing the current definition to include same-sex marriage may make it equal for same-sex couples, but it will remain unequal for others who want to marry children, close relatives or more than one person. So we need to have a better reason than 'equality'.

In short, this is not a simple issue of meeting the demands of individual same-sex couples. This is a much broader and complicated issue. What I have tried to do above is to outline some of the reasons, concerns and logic for us to consider. And while none of them are conclusive in and of themselves, taken together they provide a good rationale for us Aussies to at least pause and reflect on these things before we decide which way to vote on this issue.

Grace and peace
Stu

At BASECAMP men's convention last weekend Malcolm Gill gave us an excellent talk on discipleship. He reminded us from Matthew 28:19-20 that Jesus says to ‘go and make disciples of all nations’. While most Christians know this to be true, often we don't know what this looks like or how to do it. Mal gave us some excellent insights and tips on this.

First of all he talked about the nature of discipleship. Discipleship is investing in the life of others;  helping them to learn, to imitate you; to be an apprentice of you and what you do. The Apostle Paul did this with men like Timothy, Silas and Titus. Part of discipleship is teaching others the truth of the gospel. As Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:13-14   What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.  Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you-- guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

So the first part of discipleship is teaching others the truth of the gospel. The other part is modelling the Christian life; modelling what Godly living is all about. As Paul says in Philippians 3:17   Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you and in Philippians 4:9  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-- put it into practice. So discipleship is not just teaching it is also living and showing what the Christian life looks like as we disciple others. We need to show others what it looks like to live as a Christian.

Here Mal said it is worthwhile asking yourself are we living a life that people could copy or imitate? Because how we live is just as important as what we teach.

So how do we do this? It is very easy to impress from a distance but we can only have an impact on people up close. When it comes to discipleship we need to do 3 things. We need to (i) Pursue a Paul, (ii) Be a Barnabas; and (iii) Train a Timothy. We know from the New Testament Paul discipled other men, that Barnabas was known as the ‘Son of Encouragement’ (Acts 4:36) and that Timothy was one of the men Paul trained. And so Mal’s suggestion is that each of us ought to look to someone who is 6-8 years older than you and go and learn from them (a Paul); be an encourager of your mates and peers (a Barnabas); and seek out someone younger than you that you can train (a Timothy).

How might we do this? We could catch up for breakfast or coffee before work to read the Bible, talk about our Christian lives and pray. We could catch up for meals in our homes – just sharing life together. We could read a book together – read a chapter a week and come together and discuss it. We could join that older person’s growth group to learn from them. We could have intentional and prayerful conversations after church. There are lots of ways we can do it.

While Mal was addressing men at BASECAMP, discipleship is just as relevant to women. In Titus 2:3-4 Paul encourages the older women to teach and train the younger women. Paul’s emphasis here is on maturity, not age. It’s not necessarily to be ‘older’ in order to disciple another. You just need to be further along in your walk with Jesus. In any case, Mal’s maxim of Pursing a Paul, Being a Barnabas and Training a Timothy is just as relevant for women as it is for men.

But why do it? Because the gospel is at stake. We want to take the gospel and pass it on to the next generation. That means we need to be training and equipping future leaders, we need to be encouraging and strengthening today’s generation of men and women to keep running the race with perseverance and we need to be teaching the next generation the good news of Jesus.

​This is why we want to be disciple making disciples. Will you be a disciple making disciple? What do you think your next step might be? What’s stopping you Pursing a Paul, Being a Barnabas and Training a Timothy? Because this is what Church@thepeak needs – disciple making disciples who follow Jesus with all their heart soul mind and strength.

This is a summary of the parenting seminar given by Colleen Hirst on 4th Nov 2015 on the topic of 'Internet Addiction'.

The internet can be great, but it can take over our time. This is especially true given the effect of ‘doubling’.
​
‘Doubling’ is the phenomena of information growth. It comes in the form of news, texts, blogs, articles, web sites / web pages, emails, social media posts etc. Sociologists claim that from the year 0 AD, it took another 1,500 years for worldwide information to double. After that another 250 years, then 150 years. By WWII it only took 25 years. Now global information doubles every 1-2 years and IBM predicts that it won’t be long before worldwide information is doubling every 12 hours!

It is impossible to keep up and we are becoming internet addicts.

Colleen defined addiction as ‘a state of being enslaved to a substance or practice that is habit forming to the extent that cessation causes trauma.’ When it comes to internet addiction she says it is “an impulse control disorder. It refers to the compulsive need to spend a great deal of time on the Internet, to the point where relationships, work and health are allowed to suffer.”

Addictions often develop through a process

1. Temptation – “I’ll just check Facebook, eBay, my emails, that porn site... “
2. Yielding – “I know I shouldn’t but just a quick look and then I’ll get off / get back to work”
3. Habit – we are constantly do it, a habit is formed
4. Bondage – we become slaves to our addiction; we cannot help ourselves, it controls us
5. Stronghold – our addiction begins to ruin our lives – relationships, work, finances etc

Examples of our internet addiction include – constant checking of social media (Facebook, Instagram etc); constant checking of emails and texts; excessive online shopping; compulsive watching pornography or Youtube videos etc; compulsive online gambling, constant playing of online games (computer or phone)

Our internet addiction has wide ranging social, emotional and physical implications:

• Literacy skills are declining – we are used to skimming information, websites and search results but concentrated reading and comprehension is declining. Since 2009 there has been a 40% drop in kids ability to focus
• We’re losing the ability to connect – we are substituting face to face interaction and socialisation with online connecting and socialising. Young people are losing the capacity to live in real world; they  can't live without social media or internet
• We’re becoming more self-focused – social media tends to focus on US. It’s about the images, status updates and messages about ME that I want to world to see. Sociologists say there has been a 40% drop in empathy.
• Facebook Depression – we compare our digital lives with the glorified lives of others on social media and despair that our life is not as good. Young people are suffering severe self-esteem issues as a result – “my photo only got X amount of ‘likes’!”
• Giving young kids access to too much internet ‘wires’ their brains to think and act in particular ways and inhibits normal neurological development
• We’re becoming increasingly distracted
• Addiction has lead to death and physical illness (e.g. gamers not eating or sleeping for days)
• We’re spending increasing amounts of time together, but doing it alone. Social networking is leading to a new form of isolation

Colleen gave numerous indicators of internet addiction

1. Decreasing interest in participating in other activities
2. Continuously talking about digital devices, games etc
3. Euphoria when on devices
4. Angry, agitated, irritable, restless when digital devices are taken away
5. Using devious behaviour to obtain screen time
6. Checking, checking, checking….
7. Purchasing in-game items with real life money
8. Craving more screen time
9. Lack of awareness of time spent on the internet
10. Neglecting hygiene, chores, study, hobbies, friends, work, family, responsibilities etc

While many of us and our kids have developed unhealthy and sometimes destructive habits, Colleen assured us that we can change. Habits can be broken, new patterns can be established. However it takes time and effort. Often it takes 4 months to begin to change, and 12-18 months to break the habit and effect the change.
There is a common change cycle people go through when wanting to change

1. Pre-contemplation – not thinking about or rejecting change (“I’m okay, no issues with me”). Living in harms way
2. Contemplation – Thinking and talking about change, seeking support (“I might have a problem”). Tired of living in harms way
3. Planning – Planning what it would take to make change happen (“I need to hand over my passwords to a trusted friend”). Strategising how to move out of harms way
4. Action – Taking positive steps by putting the plan into action. (“Can you please reset my Facebook password until after exams”). Gradually moving out of harms way
5. Maintenance – Achieving positive and concrete developments with continuing and then decreasing support (“This is working. I’m feeling better”). Living out of harms way

Often during this process we will relapse and that is to be expected. Don’t give up when you relapse. We will need to go through this process between 7-10 times to break the habit and develop better patterns of internet use.

Colleen gave us a number of strategies to help develop better patterns and use of the internet

1. Check your checking – how much do you or your kids check phone, email, computer etc
2. Set time limits
3. Disconnect to reconnect – have an internet detox of 48 hrs. If you can’t, you have issues
4. Digital diet – work out what is good and healthy and stick to it

For parents, Colleen suggests:

1. Set an example – manage your own screen time
2. Be present – no digital checking when talking with family
3. Meal-times ought to be device free
4. Bedrooms ought to be device free at set times
5. Monitor kids real life vs digital friendships – are they balanced
6. Time limits for screen time
7. Gain access to their devices – know their passwords to check their use
8. Learn their technology, read app reviews

Her final comments were to say that as parents we cannot stop our kids using the internet – it is part of the world we live in. Barring them from accessing it is not the solution. What we need to do is help them to use it well. To do that we not only need to model that and be a positive example to them of how to use the internet and our phones well, be we also need to be connected to them relationally. Build relationships with your kids so they will respect you, follow you and know you have their best interests at heart when you work with them to put the right strategies in place for their mental, emotional and physical well being.

Four books that Colleen recommended are:

1. Unplugged – how to live mindfully in a digital world (Orianna Fielding)
2. Hooked on Games – The lure and cost of video game and internet addiction (Andrew P.Doan, MD, PhD with Brooke Strickland)
3. Sexts, Texts and Selfies – How to keep your children safe in the digital space (Susan McLean)
4. Internet Addiction – A Handbook and Guide to Evaluation and Treatment (Kimberly S. Young and Cristiano Nabuco de Abreu)

Here’s a brief summary of the seminar talk given by Dr Patricia Weerakoon at Church@thepeak on 23rd June 2015 on the topic of ‘Raising tweens in a sexualised world’. We were very blessed to have Dr Weerakoon speak with such wisdom, frankness and humour on this subject.

Preamble
Our kids are growing up in internet world. We can't keep kids safe by not talking about sex because the internet makes it all available whether we like it or not. And so parents need to take the initiative and teach kids to critique what they are hearing and what is being presented to them in the super-sexed, cyber culture we live in

The Teen Brain
The teenage brain is a work in progress, being modelled and formed through teen years. Everything fed into brain affects it. As tweens experience new things neurons and connective pathways in the brain is formed (like highways). The more a neurological pathways is used, the bigger and more dominant it becomes. Those connections not used are not kept. We either 'use it or lose it'.

However the judgment lobe (the part of the brain that helps a tween to make decisions) matures much slower than rest of brain. Tweens are like a volcano of emotions breaking out -  like a Ferrari on full throttle with hardly any brake! Therefore they need parents to help them, to be the brake and slow them down.

Identity and Independence
The development of the brain in the teenage years is driving them to independence. Puberty pushes tweens away from mum and dad to an identify of their own. This is a good thing but can be dangerous if moving their identity in wrong direction or  under wrong influence.

Teens want to be like others and liked by others. They want to be ‘Better than ... ‘ (comparison) or ‘More than ... ‘ (performance) than others. Therefore they are susceptible to being led in an unhelpful direction when it comes to sex, relationships and identity. Therefore parents need to provide the external control mechanism. They might have 2000 Facebook friends, but they need their parents need to guide them, not just be friends with them.

Therefore it is good for parents to know the social group they are in and influencing them. Parents need to be influencing them and telling them their identity and worth is much greater than having better ‘abs’ or ‘thigh gap’ than their friends or having more Facebook friends or Instagram likes.

Sex
Sex has become a commodity and means of self expression.

(i) The Science of Sex
Sexual desire is the testosterone powered drive from within the limbic system of our brain. It’s a non-specific appetite… an urge… for sex. Love is a dopamine driven, passionate motivation for intimacy. Serotonin induced obsession. It takes the desire for sex and focuses it on one person. It’s a powerful emotion, you can't just get over it ... doesn't last more than 18-24 months.

When couples have sex it creates a bonding attachment. Oxytocin and vasopression (cuddles hormone) levels increase with intimacy. It acts like brain glue. So sex increases this bond by releasing these hormones that bond a couple together. Therefore when a couples has sex and separates it causes emotional damage.

(ii) The Worldview of Sex
The world tells you sexual desire is a need,; it’s a right to be experienced. It says  sexual desire is a need a for sex; and an irrepressible urge that must be fed. It is an individual’s right for self gratification. Love is ‘lust’ which is essentially selfish sexual satisfaction - ‘if it feels good do it’.

We need to tell our tweens not to follow world view of sex. Teach then not to treat bodies as commodities

(iii) What’s special about sex?
Sex is powerful, precious and deeply personal. It is an act of deeply private sharing of unique parts of your body.  Sex is pleasurable and the ultimate pleasure is experienced in a safe place where your partner honours you and your body. This is why a relationship of trust and promise keeping (marriage) is the best place for sex.

(iv) What is Sexual Behaviour
Sexting? Still a sexual behaviour
Holding hands, hugging? Can be if aroused,  other times not
Kissing? Yes, arousing
Oral sex,  genital touching? Yes
Anal sex? This is dangerous, leads to health issues
Masturbation?  Hard to do it without lustful / sexual thoughts

Australian Research (2013 on teens in grades 10-12 shows:

• 69% are sexually active in some way 
  
• 40%  experienced oral sex
  
• 23% of year 10; 34% year 11 and 50% of year 12 students had experienced sexual intercourse
  
• 28% of girls and 20% of boys who had experienced sexual intercourse reported an experience of unwanted sex
  

While this is alarming, we can tell out tweens that not everyone is ‘doing it’. They don’t have to bwo to peer group pressure, because the peer group is not a big as they might think it is.

Pornography
Pornography is dangerous. Research shows the average age of children being exposed to pornography is 11 years which means kids much younger than this are being  exposed to it.

What makes it dangerous is the way it influences the development of the brain. Neuro-plasticity of the brain means that viewing pornography normalises tweens brains about sex. It re-writes our brain circuits. It desensitises their (our) brain to normal sex and relationships.

Sadly porn is becoming the main sex educator of tweens. Porn is teaching boys to think girls are sex objects who will do whatever they want and porn sex is normal and girls are accepting it. It’s teaching boys that coercion, force and sexual violence (think 50 Shades of Grey) is normal and okay.  Many girls are now embracing it to give them power over boys.

When talking to tweens about sex we should tell them to wait. Why? For their health – you can have safe sex, but still causing damage because they’re bonding and detaching. Also for their mind – rejection and breaking up is painful; for society - cohabitation does not lead to better marriages; and for their marriage.

Hot Tips

• Be available, approachable & authoritative
  
• Sex is caught and taught – be a role model
  
• Share your beliefs and values - give them a clear identity (in Christ if you are Christian)
• Teach them that sex is more than ‘just sex’ and that life is more than sex
• Watch for teachable moments
  
• Have an aunty/uncle as a ‘back-up’
  
• Be there to pick up the pieces
  

For those interested, Patricia has two books on raising teens and tweens – Teen Sex by the Book and Growing Up by the Book. Both can be purchased online at https://www.cepstore.com.au/.

I recently read Tim Keller's top ten tips for personal evangelism. I think this is really helpful for us at church when we are thinking about personal mission.

What Tim has to say fits in really well with what we have been talking about this year with regard to personal mission. That is, mission is anything on the spectrum from connecting with or talking to a non-Christian to sharing the gospel with them. 

1. Let people around you know you are a Christian (in a natural, unforced way)
   
2. Ask friends about their faith - and just listen!
   
3. Listen to your friends' problems - maybe offer to pray for them
   
4. Share your problems with others - testify to how your faith helps you
   
5. Give them a book to read
   
6. Share your story
   
7. Answer objections and questions
   
8. Invite them to a church event
   
9. Offer to read the Bible with them
   
10. Take them to an explore course
    

Tim apparently goes on to say that we too often start with 8-10 because we think these are what count as true evangelism, but we need to start with 1-4 with most people. Indeed we may need to loop through them several times before we can move on to 5-10.

Of course, all this must be under-girded with prayer. As we learnt recently from John 3 that it is only by the work of God through his Spirit that we come to understand and appreciate the one who was lifted up to face the darkness so we could be brought into the light of eternal life.

Here’s a brief summary of the seminar talk given by Tim Bowden, Principal of Inaburra School at Church@thepeak on 6th May 2015 on the topic of raising resilient children. Unfortunately I lost my notes in a failed data sync and so I’m running completely from memory. Also these notes will go nowhere near capturing the wisdom, winsomeness, anecdotes and humour of Tim’s talk.

When interviewing parents and children for positions at school, Tim often asks parents what are their hopes for their children at Inaburra. Often the response is “I want my child to be happy”.

He argued that this is an unrealistic expectation on the school, the child, and parents. It’s impossible for the school to ensure this. It’s impossible for the child to control this and it is impossible for the parents to provide such an experience. In the end, the parent is setting up the school, the child and themselves to fail.

What’s more, desiring for the child to be happy will lead the parent to protect their child that they will discourage them from trying things that are new or challenging for fear of failing and therefore being unhappy. In turn the child takes on the same mindset and they begin to limit themselves to only those things they know they will succeed in.

Such an approach to parenting does nothing for developing resilience. For if a child is never allowed to experience sadness, failure, hurt, rejection etc. they will never become resilient.

Resilience is needed in so many spheres of a child’s life - for example relationships. It’s so easy for children to upset one another with a spiteful comment, a deliberate rejection, a threatening action or a break up with a boyfriend / girlfriend etc. Without resilience these situations can become catastrophic in your child’s mind where the situation becomes overwhelming, soul destroying and makes them feel devastated. Resilience is needed to deal with the ups and downs of relationships of life.

Likewise, resilience is required in education if children are going to be effective learners. Tim cited the work of Carol Dweck[1] who distinguishes between a ‘fixed mindset’ and a ‘growth mindset’ when it comes to learning. The child with a fixed mindset will say to themselves or to us as parents “I’m no good at _______ (maths, running, English etc)” and will therefore allow their fixed mindset to limit their ability to learn. A growth mindset acknowledges current limitations in a particular skill set or area of life but is willing to work at learning the skills required, fail and persevere in order to improve in that aspect of life. A fixed mindset lacks resilience whereas a growth mindset develops resilience.

Therefore it is a good thing to cultivate the characteristic of resilience in our children to help them better navigate life in this world.

Tim suggested there are four things we can do as parents to help our children develop resilience

1.       Connect Them To A Charismatic Adult
This is someone who is ideally ½ a generation older (say 8 years) who the child connects with and looks up to who can show an interest in the child. Such a person can not only be there for the child to bounce ideas, care and concerns around with, but also provide a role model to them of what it looks like to live life. Examples of such a person could be an aunt / uncle, sports coach, youth group leader, Sunday school teacher, scouts leader etc

2.       Connection With Something Bigger Than Themselves
This is being involved with a group or organisation that has goals and a purpose for existing that is bigger or broader than the life of the child. Something where they are not the centre of the universe, but rather part of something bigger than them. Examples of this include a faith / religion, scouts, band, sporting club etc

3.       Developing Positive Self Talk
The memory was a bit sketchy on this, but basically, helping your child to develop a positive way of thinking about difficult situations. Getting them to see what did go well and what can they learn for next time rather than thinking the world is about to end and this is the way it will always be forever!

4.       Developing An Island Of Competency
A great thing to help develop resilience in a child is to find and encourage an ‘island of competency’. That is, a skill or hobby etc that the child enjoys and can develop and grow in. This may or may not be something they are naturally good at. Just because a child is naturally a fast runner, doesn’t mean this is builds resilience especially if they don’t train and merely rely on their God given talent. But if a child is encouraged to train, practice, research, learn, display their particular competency that process will inherently help to develop resilience

Tim went on to describe the thing that is the single biggest factor in undermining resilience within a child is overprotective parents.

When parents are constantly running interference for their children and stepping in whenever they get hurt, are left out, fail a test, aren't selected in the sporting team etc, then all they are doing for their children is developing a dependence on their parents and not teaching them to be resilient. Children will never develop a resilient character if they are never allowed to experience hurt, failure, rejection etc.

Tim likened parents who do this to those members of a curling team who skate in front of the puck furiously brushing the ice to smooth the way for it to reach its goal. While we can swing to the opposite end of the spectrum and completely abdicate our responsibilities as parents and not care at all for our children, Tim’s observation as an educator is the overwhelming trend is for parents to be far too protective.

His exhortation for us as parents was to allow our children to take on challenges, give them some rope, stretch themselves so they can learn to work things out, fail, try again and then succeed.

Finally Tim, finished by pointing out that what this topic is nothing new to us a humanity because when we look to the ‘ancient texts’ we see mankind has recognised resilience is a good thing. In the Bible, in the book of Hebrews it says:

“Hebrews 12:7-11  Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.  9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!  10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.  11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Tim acknowledged that the Christian world view helps us make sense of hardships we face in life. Our creator God allows us to endure such hardships in life for our good. While most often we don’t know why such hardships happen, we do know that God allows it to happen for our good.

[1] Tim encouraged us to look her up on-line and watch her TED talks and other on-line material

Recently I read an interesting blog titled, ‘7 Things Your Church Needs from You’. There was nothing new in it, but it was just refreshing to be reminded of such things again. They are things I need to hear and reflect on as a pastor as much as anyone – the first in particular. See what you think.

Your church needs you to…

…BE HUMBLE
There is no character quality more important than humility. While humility does not come naturally to any of us, it can be learned, because here’s the thing: Humility isn’t a feeling or an attitude—it’s action. If you want to learn humility, you need to act humble. Here are 3 quick tips on becoming humble:

• Find mature Christians who exemplify humility and spend time around them. Learn from them and learn to be like them.
• Volunteer for the lowliest of tasks. Don’t ask to be in the public eye when you serve, but be content to stay in the back. Find joy in doing the lowliest jobs and do them when and where only Jesus will see.
• Get to know Jesus. It was Jesus who said, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12). And it was Jesus who humbled himself the deepest and was exalted the highest.

…PRIORITIZE CHURCH
Every church has people who make the public gatherings of the church a low priority. These are the people who only come to church when it is convenient and who use any excuse to miss a day or miss a service. Every church desperately needs people who will make the public gatherings a top priority. Today is the day to begin elevating the importance of church in your life.

Let me give you two reasons:

• First, you need your church. God made you part of your church for your good. You cannot do life on your own. You aren’t strong enough, you aren’t wise enough, you aren’t mature enough, you aren’t godly enough. Without the beautifully ordinary means of grace you encounter in the church, you won’t make it. Without the support of your brothers and sisters, you won’t make it.
• Second, your church needs you. God made you part of your church for the good of others. 1 Peter 4 says, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” God has gifted you to be part of your church, and those gifts are to be used for the good of other people. So prioritize church as an expression of generosity toward others.

 
…CONSIDER GIVING GOD A DAY
Why don’t you considering setting aside an entire day of the week and dedicating it to the Lord in a special way? We believe that the Old Testament law has been fulfilled in Christ, though there is some disagreement among Christians about the implications. But even if you believe that the Sabbath command is no longer binding on us, there is still value in learning from it.

It completely changes Sunday when you give the entire day to the Lord and his people. Now you’re not having to decide whether to take that class or join that club that meets Sunday afternoon. You’re not skipping church during exam time because you’ve got studying to do. You’re not leaving early to get home before the football game starts. Instead, you’re leaving behind all the cares of life, and even many of the joys of life, and dedicating an entire day to worship, to fellowship, and to serving others.

…LIVE LIKE A CHRISTIAN ALL WEEK LONG
It is easy enough to be a Christian at church, but then you get home. But then you go to work. But then you go to school. And then you’re surrounded by people acting ungodly, and even worse, you’re left along with your own thoughts and your own desires. Yet your church needs you to live like a Christian all week long.

Each of us faces different challenges and different temptations. But one key to living like a Christian all week long is spending time in Word and prayer every day. Make this a priority no matter how busy you are and no matter how crazy life seems. Make this something you do no matter how badly you’ve sinned and how little you feel like doing it. Pray day-by-day not only for yourself, but for your church. Take that membership directly and pray through it from A to Z, and then start over.Make your devotional life something you do not just for the good of yourself, but for the good of others.

…GET TO KNOW PEOPLE NOT LIKE YOU
Churches are involuntary communities—we don’t get to pick who comes to them, God does. So what we have to do is learn to live with these people and learn to love these people, even when they are very different from us. “For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” If your church is divided so that all the young adults hang out together and all the older folk hang out together, or if all the people with accents hang out together and all the people without accents hang out together, that makes a statement about the gospel—that the gospel is not big enough and powerful enough to really make people love one another even though they are different.

So commit to get to know people not like you. There is no reason you shouldn’t be able to say that some of your best and closest relationships are with people who are very different from you.

…LEARN GENEROSITY
Few things reveal the heart better than money. Money has an amazing way of displaying what you really believe and what you really value. No matter who and what stage of life you are at, there is no better time than now to learn to be generous with your money. Here’s what the Bible says: “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” You must give, and you must learn to do it cheerfully.

Here are just 2 quick tips:

• Remember that it’s not your money. The money belongs to God—he just gives it to you to manage it. And he means for you to manage it well and to his glory.
• Give to the Lord first. I know people who say they can’t give to the church, and yet they’ve got a new cell phone and are carrying a cup of Starbucks into church every week. That doesn’t compute. Learn to give the first and best of your money to the Lord. The harder that seems, the more you need to do it.

 
…BE A GREAT CHURCH MEMBER
Make yourself invaluable to your church, and do this by serving other people. I love reading about Dorcas, the woman Peter raised from the dead who was described as being “full of good works and acts of charity” (see Acts 9). “When Peter arrived, they took him to the upper room. All the widows stood beside him weeping and showing tunics and other garments that Dorcas made while she was with them.” Dorcas was a great church member. She loved people so much, and did so much good to them, that the whole community mourned when she died.

Would that be you? Would the people of your church weep as they remember you for all the good you did to others? Find the place you can serve your church, and serve there without fail, without excuse, without requiring praise and accolades. Do it for the good of others and the glory of God.

Full article can be read at - http://www.challies.com/christian-living/7-things-your-church-needs-from-you

Over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about what I need to live as a Christian. I’ve been reminded that what I need is the grace of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ – more than I need food to eat or air to breathe.

Although God’s grace by its nature isn’t something that I can do anything to deserve, I’ve been reminded that we’re kidding ourselves if we think there’s no need for any action on our part to receive it. God gives us the grace to come to him, know him and love him and trust him through his word, the Bible. His grace flows into us and through us as it comes to us in his word. So, if we need that grace more than air or food, it stands to reason that we need to put ourselves in the path of God’s grace by putting his word in front of us constantly.

Hearing God’s word read and preached every week at church is a given. God works in our lives by his grace as we hear the Bible taught to us week by week. But it’s not enough. A weekly serve of the grace we need more than air of food isn’t enough to sustain us through the week. It’s like getting up Monday morning, taking in the biggest breath you can and hoping that will last you for the week without drawing any more breath till next Monday! Or like having a good meal at the start of the week and thinking that will give you enough nourishment to survive the week.

Friends, God’s grace is his life-changing power to transform us daily into the people he has saved us to be through the gospel. We are filled with his grace as we read and reflect on his word every day, because, by his grace, God keeps filling us with the knowledge of the miracle of his grace in Jesus Christ to turn us from his enemies into his dearly-loved children. And that grace has life-changing implications for the way you live every day. You can’t take it all in once a week – or less.

I read a statistic that said that if Christians spent the same amount of time reading the Bible as watching TV we’d read the Bible right through every 3 months! Most of us have the time. The problem is the inclination. Put yourself in the path of God’s grace this week. Make a habit of reading and reflecting on some of the Bible each day this week. That’s how God will transform each of us – and our church – into the people he has made us through his grace in the gospel.

God bless,

Paul